What is limerence?
Limerence is a term that coined back in 1979 by Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist who wrote a book titled Love and Limerence.
According to the book, limerence is an involuntary personal state that tends to involve acute longing for emotional reciprocation, feelings, obsessive-compulsive thoughts as well as behaviors and emotionally dependent on someone.
Furthermore, limerence tends to convince an individual that the source of their desire is their only source of happiness, emotional oxygen, and primary purpose.
What is a limerence attachment?
Unlike true love, when suffering from limerence, you feel dependent on someone for emotional survival as well as devastated to the extent of paralysis whenever the feeling is not reciprocated. Basically, limerence is all about your own feeling and being self-centered.
As an individual with limerence, you will not actually care for this, and you will force your partner too to behave in the same way.
However, true love has a feeling of maintaining physical intimacy, which is said to be very healthy.
Limerence is very judgmental, and it forces a partner to act and think in a limerent way.
In this article, we shall be discussing true love vs. limerence giving you more in-depth differences between the two.
Signs of limerence
Despite the fact that it can be challenging to evaluate the signs of limerence whenever you are in an altered state, these are some of the core signs you should consider for limerence;
- Uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts about the other individual
- The idealization of both positive and negative characteristic of the other person
- Having extreme shyness, nervousness, stuttering, and confused when around the other individual.
- When you have a fear of rejection and despair or having suicidal thoughts whenever rejection occurs.
- When you have a sense of euphoria in response to perceived or real signs of reciprocation.
- Searching obsessively or fantasizing about reciprocation signs.
- When you are reminded about the person in everything that is around you.
- When you start replaying in your mind the entire encounter you have had with the other person in great detail.
- Maintaining romantic intensity via adversity.
- Analyzing every word and gesture endlessly to determine their possible meaning.
- Arrange your schedule in order to maximize possible encounters with the other individual.
- When you start experiencing physical symptoms such as flushing, trembling, heart palpitations, and weakness around the other individual.
What is the difference between limerence and true love?
Most individuals tend to be confused between limerence and love; they are often mistaken for being similar enough.
So what is the difference between the two? First of all, you should note that limerence is neither love nor a crush; however, it is a crushing obsession with another person; it is considered as an intense romantic infatuation.
Usually, as an individual with limerence, you will be focusing more on reciprocation of emotions. You will be experiencing a biochemical cocktail in your brain that tends to create a euphoric feeling along with an intense desire for emotional connection.
It is like being lovesick without having love.
While having a desire for closeness as well as a relationship with an individual, it often marks the start of the couple’s love story; nevertheless, it is common to find one without the other and vice versa.
You should note that start a relationship doesn’t guarantee an intense desire, and there are very few chances of limerence evolving into true love as time progresses.
Limerence is totally different from love, and it is inherently self-centered. It is all about what an individual makes you feel instead of giving to the other party in a mutually-beneficial manner.
The other individual can do no wrong, and you become sure that you were meant to be together. It is destiny.
You will not be able to see yourself clearly; this makes you feel incomplete without having them around.
What are the dangers of mistaking limerence for love?
Despite the fact that several songs describe how that feeling is, it is also a feeling that can be exceptionally painful and frustrating.
There is no doubt that the feeling can be overwhelming, which will make it hard to enjoy your life in a normal and healthy way.
Usually, the brain chemical and hormone mix of limerence is extremely powerful; thus, most individuals tend to give their money and get married in a rush.
They move in together or, at times, leave their family and friends when they are under the influence only for them to come and realize that they have made a great mistake.
Individuals who are in the grips of limerence are prone to con artists as well as dating scammers.
They often get caught in a heady rush of feelings that they often mistake for true love; usually, they miss all the warning signs.
How can you tell the difference between limerence and true love?
It is highly essential for one to try and understand the difference between the two. This is vital since when you recognize your feeling as limerence rather than true love, it means you will not have to be weighed down the feeling most individuals tend to associate with love.
Usually, saying that you are in love with someone has a significant difference connotation than saying you have an intense crush on someone.
Changing how you phrase your words has a significant impact on how you feel about a particular situation, the feeling of the third party, and your object of desire.
The main difference between love and limerence is that love has a deep and long-lasting connection between two individuals. When you are not having a real relationship with the individual, it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship; it means that you are not yet in love,
When it comes to limerence, you will see your love object being perfect, and you will end up forgetting who she or he is.
Most individuals tend to rhapsodize about a new individual in their lives, saying how wonderful and perfect they will be in their lives without knowing about the individual. This is often a fantasy, and there is no doubt most limerence experiences are not long-lasting.
However, when you are keen enough, you can distinguish between love and limerence very fast. Usually, limerence is distinguishable from a minor attraction through its intensity and the way in which it can pervade in your life for a period of time.
Several signs will show if you are suffering from limerence, such as everything you see tend to remind you of the individual you are obsessed with.
Often you tend to have a fear of being rejected by him or her. When you see them, your heartbeat tends to elevate significantly, your palms dampen, and your mouth becomes dry.
When you are not around this individual, you feel incomplete.
These feelings can as well be present in a romantic love experience; however, it will make sense if the individual returns the feelings and has expressed it in the same way.
Otherwise, you be projecting. When you are able to differentiate between love and limerence, you will be able t evade relationship that will hurt you in the future.
When having limerence, you should consider reducing its intensity or at least find out if it is true love hidden in you.
How to get rid of limerence
The best way is to work hard and look for someone who will understand you and who will help in driving the desperate thought from you.
These things will help in filling your mind with joy and happiness. In addition to that, you should consider becoming an active member of any social gatherings; by doing so, you will be able to refresh your mind.
You should as well consider having hope for healing; it is the best place to set your mind since it will help it from the dread mind hence becoming a happy mind.
It is highly advisable to learn how to focus. You should always ignore what other individuals are thinking and try to focus and go with your opinion as well as priorities.
Moreover, you should understand that limerence is just but a fiction world, a world of fantasy, and it not worth it and can never be real.
Try to put your focus on real love and have patience as you wait to find someone who will offer you love and care instead of filling your heart with lust.
Is limerence crush?
Individuals who have had crush life in high school can tell you that it was not loved despite feeling like so.
Unlike limerence, crush is something one understands. Whenever your crush on someone, you understand that you like that individual way too much and that she or he is cute or very adorable.
Limerence cannot be crush since crush is under control, and whenever it reaches a significant height, you will notice that it does not last for an extended period, and it doesn’t possess any threat.
Limerence is not similar to crush, and it should never be mistaken for crush. When it comes to limerence, this is much deeper and is more than just a mere crush; you might consider describing it as confused with love.
Crush is always right on any given angle, and love is beautiful, and it tends to depend on the type of bonding you share with your partner.
On the other hand, limerence is unavoidably stressful, and it is irrevocably troublesome; moreover, it is dangerous, unlike any crushing period.
You should always make sure that you identify what is real and what isn’t. There is no doubt that limerence is not a suggestible thing for one to continue with.
True love vs. limerence, how long do they last?
At the start of a romantic relationship, it can be a bit challenging to distinguish between love and limerence.
Often an individual will start following a calmer and more rewarding path that tends to feel suitable for both parties as the other intensifies and stops feeling good for a partner or both of them.
There is no doubt that limerence is smothering, and it is unsatisfying and cares little about the well-being of the other person.
When it comes to securing someone’s affection, they tend to take precedence by earning their commitment, respect, physical intimacy, and love.
As dating starts, neither of the partners is limerent; they often are in love; however, they don’t struggle with frequent unwanted thoughts concerning their partner.
Instead of reciprocity, the couples tend to bond through mutual interest and enjoy each other’s company.
In several relationships, limerence is a significant issue as one partner can be limerent while the other is not. Such relationships are unstable and very intense.
However, when both partners are limerent, the relationship commonly fizzles quickly as it sizzled.
Most individuals disagree about the chances of a limerent relationship evolving and becoming affectionate in long-term commitments.
Nevertheless, some grow into healthy and mutually gratifying relationships, while others end up in rejections and disappointments.
When it comes to how they last, limerence tends to last longer compared to romantic love; however, it is not long like any healthy and committed relationship.
It is estimated that limerence can last a few weeks to several decades, with average being a year and a half to three years.
Usually, this is determined by how requited an individual affection is. If requited, the feeling can persist for several years.
However, when unrequited, the feeling will dwindle away and then disappear unless the object you are obsessed with sending mixed signals or physical and prolonged emotional distance, which becomes intensified and uncertainty.
It is highly essential to understand the difference between love and limerence; by doing so, you will be able to evade relationships that will cause more harm than good.
Furthermore, learning ways in which you can overcome limerence will help you improve your overall well-being and have a healthy relationship.
As we conclude this article, we hope that it has been of great assistance to understand the primary difference between true love vs. limerence.